Jewish Sayings

Welcome to Jewish Sayings, the webpage that brings you a host of sweet, cute, romantic or sad quotes, phrases, sayings, quotations and messages These are all free for you to use for non commercial purpose












God, I know we are your chosen people, but couldn't you choose somebody else for a change?
Shalom Aleichem

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If we all pulled in one direction, the world would keel over.

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Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses.
He took us forty years into the desert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East that has no oil!
Golda Meir

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A man comes from the dust and in the dust he will end
--and in the meantime it is good to drink a sip of vodka.

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Why do Jewish men die before their wives?
They want to.
Henny Youngman

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The time is at hand when the wearing of a prayer shawl and skullcap will not bar a man from the White House, unless, of course, the man is Jewish.
Jules Farber

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SCHMUCKLUCK n.
Finding out one's wife became pregnant after one had a vasectomy.

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A pessimist, confronted with two bad choices, chooses both.
Jewish Proverb

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It's time to say that America is a better place to be a Jew than Jerusalem.
If there ever was a promised land, we Jewish Americans are living in it.
Rabbi Jacob Neusner

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I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah.
George W. Bush

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Rejoice not at thine enemy's fall - but don't rush to pick him up either.
Jewish Proverb

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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?
They're worth it.
Henny Youngman

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Above all, this country is our own.
Nobody has to get up in the morning and worry what his neighbors think of him.
Being a Jew is no problem here.
Golda Meir

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If God lived on earth, people would break his windows.
Jewish Proverb

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If the rich could hire the poor to die for them, the poor would make a very nice living.
Jewish Proverb

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I'm Jewish. I don't work out.
If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers

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With money in your pocket you are wise, you are handsome,
and you sing well too.
Source: (Jewish)

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